Did you know that if you plot the population density of haystacks against that of brothels that you find that there’s an inverse relationship?

Indeed, from this you can prove that the two are mutually exclusive.

Hence, a new idea for New Labour to pick up:- Inoculate towns and cities against prostitution by installing haystacks. Of course, this would need a new QANGO (Quasi-Autonomous Non-Governmental Organisation) such as the Office for Haystacks with a Haystack Czar and the Haystack Direct hotline.

I’m sure this would be a populist winner in the fight against anti-social behaviour.